Reasoning with Madness
"This is a barbaric yawp, and it will be sounded over the roofs of the world."
This year everything came full circle.
I've returned to the place I started, metaphorically and literally. I live on the same street I started my adult life on. Curses were lifted, ghosts dissolved, monsters banished.
My family, while still in fragments in some ways, is putting all of it back together, piece by tiny piece. It will be a long road, certainly, but we are now headed in the right direction, I think.
Old friends I haven't heard from in lifetimes came back into my world. I meditated. I studied. I breathed. I wrote and created. I was released from a long dark cycle that started many many moons ago.
I am aware of the synchronicities that guide us all and I have been paying attention to the subtle clues, these road maps from the Universe, to where I go next. To some extent, I'm still trying to figure it out. I have a broad idea of what my future looks like and it is of my own design. I will limit the impact of those who seek to harm me. I refuse to have any more enemies. No more discord. We are all together in this game. There is no Other.
When I listen to the songs of my soul, of the man I was at the start of this long road, I know I became another person I never imagined. Good and bad. I see it all so clearly now.
The Road has led me back home. And now there are new adventures on the horizon. Like driving in the dark, I can't really see anything more than the lights in front of me, but that's all I need right now. I am following the signs of the Universe and the song that lives within me to get where I am going. I am prepared for The Glory of Whatever Comes Next.
I will make no silly predictions or resolutions or promises I can't uphold. All I know is I will keep going forward, not backwards like I've done so many times, foolishly living in a past that was long gone. I know where I've been, I know the man I was and who I want to be and I will do my best, every day, to let my Soul be my guide.
I will battle fear and anger and hate and let love, compassion and joy be my allies now. I've been on the Dark Side of the Moon for a long time now and I'm finally coming back from that place. I've learned much in my recent hermetic solitude. Life has many destinations, but it is the Journey that is more important.
What we think, what we act on, what we make of this world comes from within. We are tiny, seething, roaming miracles, every one of us. I refuse to take that for granted.
I will move into this New Year with Peace in my Soul. I have cast out those old bitter demons, perhaps once and for all. I have done much, in retrospect, in the face of horror, wretched abuses of power, crippling depression, bold corruption and nightmarish illusions. I may still struggle, but I will not give up.
Thoughts lead to actions that lead to our destiny, which was always and forever will be, completely up to us. If it seems impossible, it's only because you decided it was.
Happy New Year.
Well. I guess Lemmy Kilmister from Motorhead was human after all....At the age of 70 years old, Lemmy has left the building.
I never got to meet him personally, but I've had my fair share of Lemmy Moments, of which I'll share below.
I am proud to have been a part of programming 101.5 KFLY at one point in my life...it was the ONLY station in the city, maybe even the state, hell, maybe the whole northwest that had Motorhead in rotation.
Not just Ace of Spades, but Killed By Death, Overkill, White Line Fever, Orgasmatron, Rock Out, Born to Lose and many live cuts. Sticking with this "against the grain" philosophy and against all traditional programming theory, I plugged their single, Heartbreaker, from the Aftershock album into power rotation a couple years ago which helped Motorhead hit the top of the radio charts for the first time in their history.
Thanks to John Perrone who got the band to send a ton of Motorhead gear that we gave away and Lemmy sent thanks by way of station liners...they were easily two of my favorite liners I ever received.
Enjoy. RIP #KFLY and #Lemmy, who both died of rocking out til the bitter, violent end in the same strange year.
One of the craziest nights of my journalism career was at the 2nd Annual Revolver Golden Gods Awards in LA a few years back which I covered for KFLY. In addition to having Ronnie James Dio throw us the horns from the stage, I got to witness a brilliant super group of Lemmy, Slash and Dave Grohl take the stage for a brief set. It was incredible. Here's a few pics from that night...
Like most who heard of the tragic death of Scott Weiland, frontman from the Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver, I was pretty crushed, but not surprised, given his addictions he battled throughout his life. And while I was openly critical of him at many times for his behavior throughout the years, I was always a fan of many of his contributions musically, especially STP and VR. The Stone Temple Pilots were a significant force of my teenage years, when I was just starting my journey into rock n roll myself.
At first they seemed like a copy cat of Alice in Chains and Pearl Jam, at least on that first album, "Core". The first time I heard "Sex Type Thing" on the radio, I thought it was a new Alice in Chains song. Despite the derivative nature, it was still a great record, start to finish. After that, they stomped out and grooved right into their own clever, glammy sound over the course of four more rock solid albums, each with that STP-sound but every one, seething with their own vibe. I remember learning several of their songs on guitar over the years, mainly to understand the weird chords and tunings they used, but also because I loved their songs. They were simple but super fun and catchy. I will always be a sucker for headbobbing grooves, of which the Pilots had many of...
Then came Velvet Revolver, which at least at first, seemed a bit weird and a little contrived...the name clearly playing off both Stone Temple (Velvet) and Guns N Roses (Revolver). I was skeptical, considering I was a HUGE GnR fan, and I worried it would be ruined by changing the chemistry...without Axl, it just didn't seem right. But I was wrong. Each listen of both their albums grew on me more with each listen and still do today. They became a staple in the rock radio world that I inhabited, because the songs were very well-written and had everything you could ask for in a rock band.
The one and only time I'd ever got to see Scott Weiland in any of his bands was the day I saw him and the Wildabouts at Rock on the Range this past summer. I was hoping to interview him that day, as he was scheduled to be there.
As far as I remember, though, he never appeared in the press tent when he was scheduled to, or at all. But then again, that was a pretty common thing with many of the bands as it got so hectic in there at times that it was hard to even understand what was going on or who was there at any given time, unless it was a super big name. In such a case it became silent as everyone took notice of their arrival, which surely would have happened if Scott walked in that day.
But I got to watch some of his set from side stage. I remember thinking he sounded pretty good, but he seemed out of it, shaky and fucked up on stage. He looked almost confused and disconnected and not that into it, like a scared, lost little kid. It was sad, looking back.
Soon after he took the stage, an enormous rain storm blew in and soaked him to the bone. Just as soon as the set ended, so did the rain. In the back of my mind I thought to myself briefly, "That's the Gods telling him to get clean."
RIP Scott Weiland.
You gave us some great tunes over the years.
I'm sorry the demons got the best of you. Here's to hoping that you are indeed, finally, resting in peace.
Who Am I?
I am Ahab.