Reasoning with Madness
"This is a barbaric yawp, and it will be sounded over the roofs of the world."
This year everything came full circle.
I've returned to the place I started, metaphorically and literally. I live on the same street I started my adult life on. Curses were lifted, ghosts dissolved, monsters banished.
My family, while still in fragments in some ways, is putting all of it back together, piece by tiny piece. It will be a long road, certainly, but we are now headed in the right direction, I think.
Old friends I haven't heard from in lifetimes came back into my world. I meditated. I studied. I breathed. I wrote and created. I was released from a long dark cycle that started many many moons ago.
I am aware of the synchronicities that guide us all and I have been paying attention to the subtle clues, these road maps from the Universe, to where I go next. To some extent, I'm still trying to figure it out. I have a broad idea of what my future looks like and it is of my own design. I will limit the impact of those who seek to harm me. I refuse to have any more enemies. No more discord. We are all together in this game. There is no Other.
When I listen to the songs of my soul, of the man I was at the start of this long road, I know I became another person I never imagined. Good and bad. I see it all so clearly now.
The Road has led me back home. And now there are new adventures on the horizon. Like driving in the dark, I can't really see anything more than the lights in front of me, but that's all I need right now. I am following the signs of the Universe and the song that lives within me to get where I am going. I am prepared for The Glory of Whatever Comes Next.
I will make no silly predictions or resolutions or promises I can't uphold. All I know is I will keep going forward, not backwards like I've done so many times, foolishly living in a past that was long gone. I know where I've been, I know the man I was and who I want to be and I will do my best, every day, to let my Soul be my guide.
I will battle fear and anger and hate and let love, compassion and joy be my allies now. I've been on the Dark Side of the Moon for a long time now and I'm finally coming back from that place. I've learned much in my recent hermetic solitude. Life has many destinations, but it is the Journey that is more important.
What we think, what we act on, what we make of this world comes from within. We are tiny, seething, roaming miracles, every one of us. I refuse to take that for granted.
I will move into this New Year with Peace in my Soul. I have cast out those old bitter demons, perhaps once and for all. I have done much, in retrospect, in the face of horror, wretched abuses of power, crippling depression, bold corruption and nightmarish illusions. I may still struggle, but I will not give up.
Thoughts lead to actions that lead to our destiny, which was always and forever will be, completely up to us. If it seems impossible, it's only because you decided it was.
Happy New Year.
Who Am I?
I am Ahab.